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Thursday, 31 October 2013

Jason Bryggs on Britain's International Aid.

"No way did I want to get involved with giving away taxpayers' money.  My job was to sell stuff - national assets - and make money for the government to meet its debts.  But I heard there was some research done into what happened to our aid.  Here are three examples I was told about."

1.  A Lamborghini Saleroom.

Customer: What is price on this red one?

Salesman: 400,000 euros, sir.

Customer:  Not sir. Your Highness.

Salesman: Oh! Sorry. Your Highness.

Customer: What is price for two?

An aide to the Customer approaches holding out a cellphone.

Aide: Your Highness. Here is amount British send.

Customer: Ah! What is price for three?

2.  A Palace on the Riviera.

Customer: What is price?

Estate Agent: Ah well, sir. This is a very special property. Winston Churchill lived here.

Customer: Never heard of him. What is price? And Chief, not sir.

Estate Agent: Oh. Right. Would that be furnished or unfurnished, Chief?

Customer: Furnished, of course. I no have time to buy furniture.

Estate Agent: Well, that would be 18 million euros.

An aide to the Customer approaches holding out a cellphone.

Aide: Oh great one! Here is amount British send.

Customer: Ah. This place 18 million, eh? Is no good. What you have more expensive?

3.  A munitions factory's elegant conference room.

Customer: Here is list of my requirement.

Director: I don't think this will be a problem. But we have to provide a certificate saying these armaments are for defensive purposes only, General.

Customer: Do you think I am stupid? Of course they are for defensive purposes.

Director: Excellent. Although I'm afraid we could not supply these chemicals you have listed here, General.

Customer: Why?

Director: Because there is a belief they can be used to make chemical nerve-gas weapons. Which are banned internationally.

Customer: I know this. We use these chemicals only for green-houses in presidential palace.

Director: Splendid.

An aide approaches the Customer holding out a cellphone.

Aide: Excuse please, General. Here is amount British send.

Customer: Ah! Double the order!