Saturday, 13 April 2019

Les Ambitions Europeennes du President Macron.

[This is a translation of my recent interview with President Macron.

'What are your main ambitions, Monsieur le President?'

'I have two of them. To become President of the European Union.
And to punish Britain.'

'I can understand the first. But why do you want to punish Britain.
What for?'

'Three reasons. The stupidity of their desire to leave the EU. Their school-boy attitude to the EU. And the gross vulgarity of their Trade Minister. I explain.
One. Their referendum was intended as a political support for that old Etonian Cameron. It didn't work. What a fine legacy! Their politicians are always talking about the will of the British People. But less than a quarter of the British voted to leave!
Two. That conceited fool, Rees-Mogg, opined that Britain should be as obstructive as possible during its remaining time in the EU. Block the budget, the potential army, and further integration and be the most difficult member of the EU.'

'And the third?'

'Need I say? That salaud of a Trade Minister you have. He said of me – is he still sleeping with his grand-mother? A disgusting, sickening and inexcusable comment. A fine English gentleman he is. And he knows nothing about trade. So there you have it. Enough reason to justify my wish to punish Britain, I think.'


Thursday, 14 March 2019

The View from Abroad - what foreign politicians say about ours...


We have obtained the following statements from the speakers themselves to whom we are indebted.

Michel Barnier, Brussels. (1)

Ah, Bon Dieu!”

Monsieur Macron, France.

“I have little time for these Tories, and least of all for those who are always trying to tell we in Europe what we must do when they have not got a clue what they are doing.”

Madame Merkel, Germany.

“For me, the work ethic is the strongest bond of Europe. Without this, nothing. I do not perceive a work ethic with the present government of Britain. Banal und dumm.”

President Trump, USA.

“It's a little nauseating, the way their guys are always cozying up to us and talking about the special relationship. Can't they understand that the USA needs a special relationship with a whole lotta countries?”

President Putin, Russian Federation.

“Russia has very good relations with Britain – especially in Chelsea. And Kensington. And Harrods. Because we invest there.”

Secretary General Xi Jinping, China.

“Go dae secy yu. Shaozu. Ye heng de. Sha gua!”

(Our translator says these words mean:
Go dae secy yu. Fish, vegetable, chicken soup.
(Perhaps this is an arcane reference to the House of Commons restaurants.)
Shaozu. Bring honour to ancestors.
(A glance back at famous politicians?)
Ye heng de. Wild one.
Sha gua! Shut up.

President Kim Jong Un, North Korea.

“No way am I going to waste one of my precious bombs on them!”

Michel Barnier, Brussels (2)

“Ah non! Not again!”

Thursday, 24 January 2019

I give below some numbers our leaders don't want us to hear::


Over 128,000 children will wake up homeless today
There are 24,000 adults sleeping rough
1 in 6 British pensioners live in poverty
23,640 homeless families were relocated in 3 months in 2018
1 in 5 children live in 'food-insecure' homes
There are 1.5 million destitute people in the UK

650 homeless people died last year
650 M.P.s spent the year waffling about Brexit

The House of Commons has 14 subsidised bars and 9 subsidised restaurants
Unpaid bills at the above worth £18,000 were written off at tax-payer expense

Wednesday, 23 January 2019

When Brexit Wrecks it, we needn't worry.

Our Leaders have re-assured us:

"We have a world-leading reputation for doing things better."
"We will remain a world-leader."
"We shall lead the world in free trade."
"At times of crisis, the world looks to Britain - not just for our support but for our leadership."
"We can again become the envy of the world."
"Countries will look to us to provide the moral leadership and global leadership."

And for each of us individually:
"When we take the big calls, we'll think not of the powerful, but you.
  When we pass new laws, we'll listen not to the mighty, but to you.
  When it comes to taxes, we;ll prioritise not the wealthy, but you.
  When it comes to opportunity, we won't entrench the advantages of the fortunate few."

- quoted from The Right Honourable Theresa May, Prime Minister.
  She also said in 2016:

"Britain's prosperity will be more secure if we're in the EU."