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Saturday, 26 October 2019

Satan on Brexit

John Problem Interviews Satan
JP: Good morning, Sir, and thank you for talking to us again.
Satan: You are fortunate that I am in a good mood this morning.
JP: I’m sure my readers will be delighted to know that you are in a good
mood, this morning. And will be pleased to know why.
Satan: Brexit.
JP: Brexit?
Satan: Yes, Brexit. The best thing that could have happened to your piddling
little country in centuries.
JP: Really?
Satan: Yes. A splendid disaster! Absolutely splendid! Your piddling little
country will find its rightful place in the world. Forgotten.
JP: I’m afraid I don’t understand.
Satan: Then I’ll explain it to you. Firstly your leaders have to negotiate with
the European Council, the European Commission and the European
Parliament. And its 27 different countries, none of whom particularly
likes your country. They think you give yourself airs. Then your leaders
will have to negotiate with the World Trade Organisation – 60 countries.
And then with a whole host of other countries to trade with. Frankly,
your leaders aren’t up to it. They are not elected for their brain-power,
that’s for sure. And they have no experience of trade and
negotiation. No, I’m wrong. That dimwit Jeremy Hunt tried to sell
marmalade to the Japanese!
JP: But our government is hiring 750 people to negotiate for them.
Satan: If you don’t know how to negotiate yourself, how do you know how to
choose someone to do it for you, eh? No. Mark my words. Your
piddling little country will be mired in inefficient negotiation for years to
come, trade will die, businesses will fail, prices will be going up all the
time and people will starve even. Most satisfactory, your Brexit.