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Saturday, 9 January 2021

Storming the House of Commons - Latest news.

Police were called to a bar in the House of Commons last night when fighting broke out at about ll.20 pm. The fighting lasted one hour and twenty minutes resulting in 158 casualties and 234 arrests. Extra police were called in to stop MPs destroying bar furniture and valuable Victorian mirrors.

DSI Cramp commented that it was a deplorable fact that more and more of this sort of mindless violence characterised the House of Commons since the Brexit referendum.

This behaviour is alcohol-fuelled,” he said, “And is a strong argument for increasing the tax-payer subsidised drinks prices in this bar. It is a regrettable fact that both older and younger members will over-indulge on occasion, especially when nursing their grievances after the referendum”

According to an eye witness, who wishes to remain anonymous, the fighting broke out when several members started talking in insulting tones about other members. This encouraged a group who had been drinking steadily since about six o'clock, to respond, using foul language. The eye witness confirmed that these two groups – the Leavers and the Remainers - are constantly causing trouble in the bar and outside in the hallways where sometimes running fights almost erupt into the Chamber.

On this occasion the insults grew louder and then tables were pushed back and chairs thrown and one member ran forward and head-butted another before being floored by a blow from a bottle. A Minister was heard to shout, “He's down! Put the boot in!”

Other members came running in from the hallways and joined in the fighting, some shouting “Allez! Allez!” and others “Kick the blighters!” There was broken glass, broken chairs, torn clothing and bloodstains on the carpeting. When the police arrived it was some time before they could restore order as a number of the members turned on them shouting, “What about parliamentary privilege, eh?”

A spokesman for Number Ten said that the whole incident had been exaggerated and merely involved some good-natured joking between party members.

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