LATE BREAKING NEWS!
FOOD RIOTS EXPECTED
The Minister for Food, Lord Rumble of Belch, has announced the Government Plan for combatting food riots due to shortage of lorry drivers. He said at a Press Conference today:
“The Government has always been clear that feeding the British people is its priority. To this end, we are calling upon Her Majesty's Armed Forces to stand ready to combat food riots. It is expected that there will be delays in managing food imports, and that certain elements of the public may respond with violence. This will be dealt with swiftly and firmly. We can say to the British people that everything is being done by your government is takng all steps ensure that food reaches every family's table.”
Brigadier Victor Thump has been given the task of overseeing the military operations. He said: “We shall not tolerate any violence on British streets. We are not a third world country! My troops will react immediately to the slightest hint of violence in the streets. People should remain calm and await their rations.”
The Minister for Stock-piling, Max Hoard, said steps have been taken to stock-pile adequate food supplies to feed the nation. “Not one person in Britain, not one of our citizens will go hungry, longer than three days. Your government will ensure that the British people - man, woman and child - shall not be without food, so long as they have their ration books.”
The Assistant Minister for Stockpiling (Medicines), Yasmin Asprinovski, also advised that troops are standing by ready to combat any violence in hospital wards should patients start fighting over prescriptions, delayed operations or bed linen laundry.